Do you ever find it weird that a person you knew so well then can feel like a stranger now?

Have you ever heard a song for the millionth time…but feel like you are hearing it for the first time?

Heath had band practice tonight, so i took the time alone to play guitar, sing, and worship. i started playing How He Loves by John Mark McMillan. This is a song i have listened to, played, and sang a million times.  It is a song I chose selfishly because I am familiar with it and it’s an easy one to play. I had the actual song playing loud as i played along, and about half way through i was sitting in the middle of the room hands held high with the pick still in my hand, tears streaming down my face…

How real is my God? how real is it that I can show up with a hardened heart from my day; I can show up bitter, angry, lonely, selfish, unwilling to listen, and he brings me to my knees. He brings me to a place where I can embrace him, I can experience him, I can feel him.

He is jealous for me. Love’s like a Hurricane, I am a tree bending beneath the weight of his love and mercy. When all of a sudden, I am unaware of these afflictions eclipsed by glory, and i realize just how beautiful you are and how great your affections are for me. 

Monday monday…begining of a new week…first day back to work.  ever wonder why weekends can’t be 3 days long. I do…often.  

I have spent a lot of the last  5 years thinking that being business-minded was a curse.  I have thought that knowing how to market and sell products with the drive to make money was not something to be proud of…i was actually ashamed to say i went to business school. I was hesitant to say that I didn’t major in english, philosophy, theology…I felt as if i was a trader amongst my deep thinking friends.

Recently i have had a revelation…maybe my business sense is a blessing.  Maybe it is something that can be used.  maybe it is part of who i will be.  it is absolutely a part of who i am.  I am not sure on where it will be used..or what is to come in my life..but i am finally excited to learn.  I am excited to grow in my career and push my boundries…

Turns out Mondays aren’t so bad after all.

for the next 30 days…you will be hearing from me, i will blog for the next 30 days…there i said it…now hold me to it!

I spent the last week “unplugged” from TV and social networking of any kind….ironic that I am now going to blog about my experience? Maybe a bit…

Now, I can’t take credit for the idea…this was something our church challenged us to do.  This summer we have focused on enjoying the summer through unplugging from the things that separate us from the world around us.  We discussed everything from TV, Facebook, Twitter, email, internet, smartphones…and plugging into things that connect us to what is real..reading, being outside, prayer.

The first talk on this, one of our pastor was giving statistics like “the average american watches 6 hours of TV a day..” and I found myself thinking…”wow, I should find where he got those stats so i can put them in a sales presentation…”

You see, I sell media advertising to businesses….this is my world.   My world is newspaper, TV, radio, mobile and how they reach the consumers my clients want.  This makes it impossible for me to “unplug.”  As I snapped out of my business mind and really got the reality check of what I had just thought, I decided it was time for a change.  It was time to draw the line.  

This past week, I read 2 books, I spent time fishing with my husband, I spent time actually talking to my husband, we made meals together, we enjoyed the company of some new friends, I realized that my phone gets voicemails if I leave it in my pruse rather than in my hand at all times, and above all, I noticed that when I got back on facebook, twitter, tumblr today…I hadn’t really missed much.

I realized that I am anxious all the time because I believe that there is something I will miss.  I check my email at least 50 times a day at work just to make sure that i didn’t miss anything, i check my facebook far more than i would like to admit to make sure I know what’s happening, I even have a twitter so I can update my small little group of followers on what I am doing minute by minute and I can know the same about them.

I know i know, this all sounds like common sense.  But I challenge you to unplug from your favorite media.  Discover for yourself how much farther your time can go when you aren’t worried about keeping up to date.  The the weight of the news that you check online everyday, or the drama happening on your facebook newsfeed fall off of your shoulders.  Enjoy pouring your creativity into something you enjoy doing like cooking, painting, writing, running, playing…enjoy the watching the world around you come to life… 

I layed flat on my stomach this evening on a dock at lake Mcbride right outside of Solon.  My husband was near by fishing, and typically i would join him, but I was too frustrated with not catching anything.  

Instead i opted for reading my book…The Magician’s Nephew…i was close to the end and though i have read this book for what seems like a million times, I was hooked once again. For any of you who have read this classic series, I was in the part where Narnia has just been created, the animals are all gathered around and as Uncle Andrew observes this, he decides he doesn’t want to believe that the animals are talking.  He doesn’t want to hear this wonderful Lion who has just created the world around him, right in front of his eyes.  

A line jumped off the page at me that I had never even noticed before

“And the longer and more beautiful the lion sang, the harder Uncle Andrew tried to make himself believe that he could hear nothing but roaring.  Now the trouble with trying to make yourself stupider than you really are, is that you often succeed…”

wow…how true. How often do I lay on my stomach reading and not realize the beauty in the lake around me, the happiness in my husband next to me, not see the glory and wonder that my God, my aslan, has created right before my eyes. I am so blessed.

I spend so much time thinking of where I “should be” rather than reveling in where i am.  I should be a home owner. I should be a better house keeper. I should be a great cook. I should make a lot of money. I shouldn’t worry about my future. I shouldn’t stress about money. 

But I am married to a wonderful man, I am loved by the God of the universe, I am living in a time and a space where the sky is the limit. I am privileged to have friends who love me and push me in my faith and in my thoughts. I am forgiven by the blood of Jesus Christ and for that I will be made whole….i WILL be mad whole…

what more is there?

Now the trouble with trying to make yourself stupider than you really are, is that you often succeed…